NOTE: If you'd like to learn why most men havetrouble committing to the woman they're with (eventhough they "hang around" for a while), make sureyou go and check this out right now:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/FCTC
Now let's talk about the reasons why men oftenleave relationships...
***COMMENT***
Christian,
I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year and ahalf and we have a great relationship on alllevels (intellectually, physically, etc). Howeverunfortunately we have been 'head-bashing' over acertain problem that keeps resurfacing in ourrelationship and now it has literally come to apoint where he wants "time out". I have a problemtrusting him and want to always controlsituations. I have constantly been giving himnonsense when he socialises with his femalefriends, and have an insecurity that he will leaveme. It has been very strenuous on him and heactually told me this morning that he wants to bewith me but he no longer knows what to do andwants time out of this relationship...
I finally did something right this morning whenspeaking to him (after reading your last email oncontrol), I just listened and said that Iunderstood. He said we will discuss it furtherthis evening. I am SO LOST! I don't know what todo to fix this now, and am not sure if this is'fixable'. I REALLY LOVE him and he loves me, butit has been carrying on for so long he doesn'twant to hear excuses anymore.
PLEASE HELP me. What can I do to make this work?
I will be forever grateful for your response!
L.J.
>>>My Response
Ok, I'm going to have to pull out the hammerhere because you're doing the worst of all things-
Using your fear and neediness to justifyhurting yourself and pushing your guy away.
Here's what I want you to do...
Please go to the nearest mirror, look yourselfdead in the eyes, and then slap yourself hardacross the cheek.
Oh, and make sure your boyfriend is watchingtoo, so you can then turn to him, freak out andcry, and then blame him for "making you do it."
And when he responds by saying, "But you justslapped yourself"...
I want you to freak out even more until hestarts to think that something is going really andtruly wrong with you in the head.
AND THEN... I want you to get even more upsetbecause now he thinks your crazy... and act evenmore crazy and emotional as you wonder, "What didI ever do to make him not want to be around me anddoubt our future together?"
Once you do all this, then you should be ableto recognize that this has roughly the same effectwith your boyfriend as your current thinking andbehavior.
Follow me here?
Good. Now let's get down to it.
I want you to understand that your fear andjealousy is NOT going to go away, EVER, until youdecide to get this part of your life handled.
The reality right now is that no matter howgood your relationship with a man might be, or howmuch reassurance you scream and cry to try and gethim to give you... it will NEVER be enough for youbecause your mind will find a way to freak you outand ruin things for you.
These same insecure, needy, negative feelingsthat drive men away are going to keep coming upover and over in place after place until you areALONE again.
Here are a few important questions you need toconsider right now:
How do you think all your negative emotionalfears and frustrations are affecting the man inyour life?
And how do these make him think and feel aboutyou and your relationship?
And what would he tell you and ask you for ifhe wasn't afraid of freaking you out, and was openand honest?
*Hint- learning to listen and understand aman's feelings is also a huge part of creating astrong relationship that meets BOTH of your needs.
If you want to learn how to get a man to listento you better, understand what you're goingthrough without getting frustrated or angry, andcommit to working through it with you and openingup, then I suggest you check out my "From CasualTo Committed" CD/DVD program.
It's literally packed with amazing tips, ideas,exercises and strategies to help you move pastRESISTANCE to growth and understanding with men inrelationships and become closer than you everthought was possible.
If you haven't recognized it yet, men commonlyhave a kind of RESISTANCE to working throughintense emotional situations in relationships.
And it's often these same few areas ofRESISTANCE that cause conflict in relationshipsand lead to men to pulling away or leaving.
My "From Casual To Committed" program coversthe common points of male "resistance" that comeup in relationships that keep you from growingcloser and more committed on a physical andemotional level.
Go here for all the details and learn how tohelp a man address his greatest challenges to alasting, committed relationship with you.
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/FCTC
Now back to it.
The good news is that your situation isn'thopeless or "unfixable."
But first, I want you to realize a fewimportant truths about men and the common reasonswhy they leave relationships with women they likeor love...
Reason #1: The "Pleasure Principle"
Men, and women, generally want to FEEL GOOD intheir lives.
And they want to have the people around them bea source of pleasure and comfort and support.
Yourself included.
When you are constantly freaking out on a manfor what it is about him that freaks you out, youquickly turn into one of the people that itDOESN'T FEEL GOOD to be around.
And this has a huge impact on whether or not hewants to invest more time, effort, and energy inyou and your relationship.
Or if he will decide to give up on trying tofix what's going on with you so you can both feelgood together.
Reason #2: Emotional Experience And The Future
For a man in a relationship, the ways a womanacts in the "little" situations become indicatorsof how she's going to respond when things reallyare tough and in the future.
So if a woman is consistently negative andemotional... and can't get herself together evenwhen a man tries to explain things and comforther... then a man isn't going to think that thingscould be any better in the future together.
Reason #3: Lost Feelings Of Attraction
Love can be important to a man.
But just like a woman, if he doesn't also keepexperiencing the exciting and addictive feelingsof CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with the woman heloves... then eventually EVERYTHING ELSE starts tonot matter.
When a man doesn't FEEL that deep level ofconnection with a woman, at least every so oftento remind him of why he's with her, then he'llforget why... and the relationship will becomejust a whole bunch of "work" to him.
Whenever he thinks of his girlfriend, he'llthink of all the problems, frustrations, andnegative emotions and experiences... and he'll seea future and a commitment as something that willmake him LESS SATISFIED in his life.
Often times when women are feeling distance ortrouble in a relationship, they'll try to "talk"to a man and work on "the relationship."
Big mistake if you want to turn things around.
For a man, he wants to do things together (nottalk) to know his relationship is working.
Creating a deep level of connection and sharingthe attraction you have is one of the mostpowerful and important keys to giving a man hisown reason for wanting to be with you, no matterwhat.
If you want to learn the secrets to easilycreating or recapturing the intense attractionthat will have a man asking you for moreattention, then check out my "Natural & LastingAttraction" CD/DVD program.
It will show you exactly how to get back tosharing intense Physical and Emotional Attraction,and give you the 6 keys to the kind of deeplasting attraction that will keep yourrelationship moving forward and strong.
All the details and some free video sampleclips from the program are here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/NALA
Reason #4: The "Neediness" of Co-dependence
A man wants to be with a woman that bringssomething better to his life, not take away histime, energy, and emotional "stability."
So when a woman doesn't have much going on forherself in her own life a few things happen.
First, she focuses on her relationship too muchas her source of happiness or unhappiness.
You can tell when you've done this in yourrelationships in the past when you've said thingslike:
"I can't believe how I hardly ever saw any ofmy friends while we were together."
...or
"I can't believe I let him control me thatway."
...or
"I feel so stupid for wasting so much of mytime on our relationship, when I could have beendoing things for me and my life."
The reality is that no man and no relationshipis capable of being everything to a woman.
And no relationship requires that you sacrificeall your time, life, and energy for it... nomatter how much it seems that way.
But our relationships can "trick" us intobelieving that they need all of our time andattention just to survive.
Not true.
In fact, the way this works is completelyCOUNTERINTUITIVE.
Often times men leave a woman because they seethat she depends too much on him and has lost herown sources of happiness... and this not onlylooks and feels "needy" to a man, but it keeps thewoman from having much to bring into therelationship and add to their lives together.
Reason #5: "She's Trying To Fix Me..."
Every few weeks or months I come across someonewho says or alludes to the idea that "people don'tchange."
Wrong.
People often change their state of mind in aninstant.
Especially from happy to sad.
Of course, changing perspectives, opinions, orbeliefs can take a bit longer... but these changequickly, too.
A man can and will "change" and compromise fora woman.
It's a fact.
I see it all the time where men let go of their"bachelor lifestyles" for one special woman, andchange a ton about their social lives.
But this only happens when a man has HIS OWNREASONS to change.
It NEVER works, or lasts, if a man simply triesto change for a woman, or for the sake of therelationship.
There's a rule I like to use in my life whenever I come to a situation where I'm trying toalign my own desires or goals with someone else's:
"All motivation is self-interest."
In other words, if you're trying to create agreat situation with a man, you're going to needto understand what HIS REASONS are going to be fordoing the work on his end to make it happen.
But lots of women try and get a man to changeby showing a man how it affects THEM, not him.
This is the exact opposite of understandingthat people are motivated by the things that THEYWANT, and not what others feel and want.
It takes some maturity to accept that otherpeople (men) have their own unique way of seeingthings and wanting what they want (to stay andwork things out, or not).
But once you learn to accept these things andstart to work with them instead of against them,life gets a whole lot easier.
And a whole lot more fun. So those are 5 ofthe most common reasons and situations about whymen leave women and relationships.
One of the most important things underlying allthese 5 reasons is the EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE thatyou create with a man.
I think of the emotional experience that youshare with a man in your relationship as the doorthrough which your relationship will either openup and move forward...
Or on the other hand, as the barrier thatcauses a relationship to stay shut and go nowhere.
And I look at COMMITMENT as a man and a womanagreeing to open the door together and walkthrough it.
But the truth is that men don't COMMIT for thesame reasons most women do.
They don't think about, talk about, or want towalk through the door the same way most women do.
That's why the "process" by which most mencommit is different.
For most women, there's often a kind of tensionand resistance built into moving forward in arelationship with a man.
And I'm not just talking about the spoken wordsof that make a commitment... but about the"emotional commitment" a man has inside with you.
If a man is deeply committed to you and yourrelationship on an emotional level, then any"issues" you run into are just going to be "bumpsin the road" to him. And he'll be confident,comfortable, open, and secure with you in workingthem out.
But if a man ISN'T "emotionally committed" toyou, then each and every little problem is goingto cause him to get irritated, frustrated, andhave him wanting to blame you and withdraw.
Which is, in turn, going to make things muchless CERTAIN for you.
To learn exactly how the commitment processworks with a man and create and deepen the"emotional commitment" you have with a man thatwill bring a new level of CONFIDENCE and CERTAINTYinto your relationship, then check out my "FromCasual To Committed" CD/DVD program.
All the details and sample video clips from afew of the best parts of the program are at thelink below.
And here's something special I'll do for you...
Let me know you're interested and I'll ship youa free copy of this program and let you work withall the ideas, concepts, strategies, and exercisesfor a full 30 days... completely at my own risk.
Just go to the link below to order your copy ofthe program, and then take an entire month to workwith the materials in it.
I want you to see how it moves your love lifeforward, and helps the man in your life start tomove forward with you on his own.
If you don't like the program for any reason,or get more results than you expected, simple sendthe program back to me before 30 days and youwon't pay a thing. No questions asked.
If you like it (and I'm 100% confident that youwill) then go ahead and keep it and I'll bill youin a few easy small monthly payments.
So go here and get your copy of this programnow, and be on your way to the committed, secure,lasting relationship you know is possible with theman in your life:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/FCTC
I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luckin life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
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